Jen Sucks

No, not you Jen. Jen from The Apprentice! She is such a douchebag. She is Mira Sorvino's character on Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion (Michelle?). She is Daria's sister's friend who speaks like Mira Sorvino's Romy and Michelle character. She is a femmebot with nothing in her head and beat Sandy in the board room merely because she used the word "regulatory" in a sentence. Trump, among his many other flaws, was completely unable to see what was right in front of his face. He is such a dumbass. Kelly said it right when he said, "Jen sucks." By the way, Kelly has both a JD and MBA from UCLA. I don't think they ever said anything about that. Yet it's always about how Jen is a lawyer. Dude, everyone is a lawyer. (Did you read the linguistic study on the use of the word "dude?") I hate lawyers. I hate the law. People like Jen just prove how much the law and lawyers suck. Also, how can so many people lack the knowledge of who Chris Webber is? They may have cute little Apprentice resumes online, but damn how they lack cultural knowledge! Not only is Chris Webber the cutest player in the NBA, he has also been in the news several times for being pulled over for possession of marijuana. And he wears that little sweat band that makes him look like a cute ewok. How can these people be so accomplished, yet suck at life? Ugh, if I am to be known for anything when I die, I hope everyone can say at my wake that I did not suck at life.

Whore to Lip Balm

Add to list after pastry playa, whore to lip balm, please.

Like every other girl, I have a lip balm routine. Like shampoo, you must switch up the lip balm every once in a while because your lips develop an immunity to one used too frequently. What is this hold that lip balm has over us? Why must we keep purchasing every pleasant smelling lip balm we encounter? I restrain myself against buying every lip balm I desire, but ... this is not my point.

I am an addict. Hello, my name is Sarah and I am a lip balm addict. But recently, three days ago to be exact, my lips gave out. They refuse to become moist and supple. My Kiehl's number one will not work. My Lipsmackers Strawberry is futile. My Carmex has lost its tingle and my Rosebud Salve is missing in action. Lip balm to my lips has become antibiotics to our bodies. My lips are resistant and are melting into one with my skin.

Please help me. Who can save my lips? Is there a safe-house for abused lips? Why cannot I escape this brothel, when will I no longer be this, a whore to lip balm?

Don't Hate the Playa, Hate the Game

Sweets taste better when you are under stress. Studies show this. Brain chemicals are such funny things.

So all weekend studying, I've been craving pastries. Got coffee crumb cake twice at Starbucks, but generally do not want to have packages of sweets in my kitchen, lest I will eat them. Finally, today, I gave in and bought a package of one of those long rasberry danishes. But strangely, now that I have this whole package, I don't really seem to want it anymore.

How come you always want something you can't have (or don't have) and the minute you get it, you don't want it anymore? Isn't that what a player is?

I'm a pastry player.